A Year Ago Today

The joy of discovery

First time holding

Hanging out together

Ezra said, "I didn't know he would be like this."

Eyes Open

Ezra's first day as a big brother

Lots of holding, resting, cuddling

Labor; here with Jessica

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 I was poor and needy.  I was in great distress.  I cried to God, and he delivered me and rescued me from death.  Here I am in the land of the living!  With great joy I thank God; for life, for breath, for this baby! 

Thank you thank you thank you.

William Moses Johnson, born May 5, 2011, Thanks be to God!

You have grown so much, Willem!  We love you so!

Anxiety and Kids: On Finding Rest

 

I'm going to try doing a little series on families and anxiety.  In no particular order, I will attempt to bring together some of what we have found helpful as we seek a peaceful family life and freedom from the tyranny and fatigue of anxiety.  Has anxiety cropped up in your home life?  Do you know the weariness of worry?  There is rest and peace to be had.  I promise because we are finding it.

-Kids shouldn't be too stressed out.  If life is super stressful, kids quirks will be exacerbated.   Quirks like shyness, phobias, sensitivities, and worries.  Stress, rather than making us more ourselves, makes us rely more heavily on our coping mechanisms because we feel desperate! Serious anxiety in the family is a spur to examine our life and sort out what's important, culling some activities and commitments when necessary.  We seem to regularly accumulate more than we can handle, so a periodic re-evaluation of our time commitments thrusts itself on us when we find ourselves chronically swamped.

-We seek a balanced life for everyone in the family.  Grown-ups and kids all need plenty of sleep and nice doses of work and rest and play.  Taking duty and pleasure by turns helps us find an even keel.  We also each need lots of time with good friends who love us.

 -We have found having a day of rest essential to family happiness and peace of mind and body!  A real day, not just a couple hours or part of an afternoon.  And real rest.  By "rest" I don't mean lazing about in pajamas all day in front of the tv, because that just isn't restful at all to us.  Rest is letting our spirits breathe the breath of God.

-We guard our family day of rest as a time truly set apart.  We don't schedule appointments or duties on this day, or do unnecessary work.  I have found it more restful to do the dishes and clean up after ourselves than to leave it all till the next day!  But we try to plan ahead to minimize the unavoidable work on this day, by cooking ahead simple food and even setting out breakfast the night before sometimes helps to start this special day well.

-We seek activities for our day of rest that are life-giving for everyone.  Finding ways we as parents could rest without boring the kids to death or overwhelming them, or that they could rest without wearing us out or jangling our nerves worse than workdays was something that took us a while and is part of healing as a family from anxiety.

-Make little islands of sanctuary in the regular everydays.  A little quiet, times to talk together, spaces to think and play.

 

-During the unavoidable seasons of intensity, we hold it together, and keep up what regularity we can as we ride it out.  Sometimes real rest, for one reason and another, is just unattainable.  These are the times to just keep getting a meal on the table one way or another, falling back on traditions, and clinging to the cross while we wait for the storm to subside. They are not times to give up on everything.  Nor are they are also not times to insist everything be perfect.

Contentment and the Cardinal Virtues

Pretty:
I love that life springs up everywhere! This is a patch of sweet green sprouting in something--ahem--mostly dead, in our backyard. I love that this is what god does in the lives of his people; make life grow where all was dead.
I don't want to say it too loud, lest I incur the wrath of neighborly weed-haters, but I cherish a secret love of creeping charlie. As a kid, I mourned when Dad cut all the lovely purple flowers in the lawn just when they were starting to get nice. I like to lie in it, and I love it's charming fragrance. I don't like it in my vegetable garden, though you couldn't tell that by looking! So lush, verdant, and luxuriously green.

Happy: I am happy to have good friends in our neighborhood. I am happy my kids have sweet pals. Look at them! The tutu! The sword! The hands held, the valiant smile and the determined chins! Doesn't the picture of childhood in summer just warm the cockles of your heart?

I am happy we are learning so much together. These are great kids, and we love learning together!

They learn whether I want them to or not! For instance, I would sort of rather the learning-via-digging-under-the-clotheslines stop pretty soon. Or at least before the clotheslines fall over! But, oh, you wouldn't beleive the discoveries that have been made in this pit! It has been dug and redug. Bones unearthed, floods, mud games, bridges, secrets galore! I haven't had the heart to put a stop to it yet. Today, Ezra went ankle-deep in delight and mud-lusciousness.
Real:
I've been thinking about the four cardinal virtues Leila from Like Mother, Like Daughter talks about: Fortitude, Prudence, Temperance, and Justice. Mostly thinking what a woefully short supply I have of them! Honestly, I had heard of the four cardinal virtues before; my Grandpa Roy liked to extol them. But his weren't the ones listed above-- I won't discuss Grandpa's cardinal virtues in mixed company!
Fortitude, Prudence, Temperance, and Justice. These are solid.
I've done a lot of working on Peace, Joy, Love, and Hope, but they so often elude me. How can one work on peace? I can't generate Joy, you know. I wonder if Fortitude, Prudence, Temperance, and Justice might not give me a handle with which to grasp, to receive the sweet gifts of God.
Fortitude to let go of the doubts and recriminations that steal the joy he's given.

Can I see the beauty, the glory of God in the midst of real life?
Funny: I've seen so many lemonade stands this summer! I love the way they hawk their wares.
I never had the chutzpa to set out my shingle like that, but I think these kids are making bank! My kids far prefer lemonade stand kool-aid to my fresh-squeezed. I think my husband does too! Ha!
Way to go kids!

Urban Owls in the Woods

I have discovered a Wonder not far from our house. There is a beautiful park, Reservoir Woods, just up the road from us. No one talks about this place, and I had never heard of it until last summer, but it is so lovely! There are wetlands, buggy lowlands, butternut woods with currants, a sunny vineyard of sumac, and lovely tall piney woods.
It is in the piney woods that we have seen owls. Or rather, an owl. I don't know if two owls would ever sit together like that--it is a fanciful rendering for a nursery wall. I think I could have been more realistic if it weren't the dead of winter--so this picture shows all the gaps in my memory of one of my favorite forests. I did try to show the forest floor, sparse of plants, and covered with a thick mat of orangey needles. A fallen log with that bright orange fungus spotting it. Sunny greenness and sky showing farther away. I wish I could depict the feeling of depth in these white pine stands. The trees are so tall, and the woods adopt a stillness. It is like a chapel.

I first saw the owl high in the trees, far off, with that distinct shape. I have seen him close up too--covered in fluffy grey feathers, as wide as my car when his wings were spread, silent as the woods when flying, even from very close. It was a gift, one that I treasure. I do hope this owl
has little ones to nurture in the spring?

"I have some cake here," said Mma Potokwane, reaching for the bag she had placed at her feet. "I thought that you might like a piece."
She opened the bag and took out a large parcel of cake, carefully wrapped in grease-proof paper. Mma Ramotswe watched intently as her visitor sliced the slab into two generous portions and laid them on the table, two pieces of paper acting as plates.
"That's very kind of you, Mma," said Mma Ramotswe, "But I think that I'm going to have to say no thank you. You see, I am on a diet now."
It was said without conviction, and her words faded away at the end of the sentence. But Mma Potokwane had heard, and looked up sharply, "Mma Ramotswe!" she exclaimed. "if you go on a diet, then what are the rest of us to do? What will all the other traditionally built ladies think if they hear about this? How can you be so unkind?"
"Unkind?" asked Mma Ramotswe. "I do not see how this is unkind."
"But it is," protested Mma Polokwane. Traditionally built people are always being told by other people to eat less. Their lives are often a misery. You are a well-known traditionally built person. If you go on a diet, then everybody else will feel guilty. They will feel that they have to go on a diet too, and that ill spoil their lives."
Mma Polokwane pushed one of the pieces of cake over to Mma Ramotswe. "You must take this, Mma," she said. "I shall be eating my piece. I am traditionally built too, and we traditionally built people must stick together. We really must."
Mma Potokwane picked up her piece of cake and took a large bite out of it. "it is very good, Mma," she mumbled though a mouth full of fruit cake. "It is very good cake."
For a moment Mma Ramotswe was undecided. Do I really want to change the way I am? She asked herself. Or should I just be myself, which is a traditionally build tady who likes bush tea and who likes to sit on her verandah and think?
She sighed. There were many good intentions which would never be seen to their implementation. This, she decided, was one of them.
"I think my diet is over now," she said to Mma Potokwane.
They sat there for some time, talking in the way of old friends, licking the crumbs of cake off their fingers. Mma Ramotswe told Mma Potokwante about her stressful week, and Mma Potokwane sympathised with her. "You must take more care of yourself," she said. "We are not born to work, work, work all the time."
"You're right," said Mma Ramotswe. "It is important just to be able to sit and think."
Mma Potokwane agreed with that. "I often tell the orphans not to spend all their time working," she said. "It is quite unnatural to work like that. There should be some time for work and some for play."
"And some for sitting and watching the sun go up and down," said Mma Ramotswe. "And some time for listening to the cattle bells in the bush."
-from Blue Shoes and Happiness, by Alexander McCall Smith

Brooding

Sometimes I wish I wasn't one of the adults in my famiy. My friend Maggie said she sometimes says to herself, "who's the adult in this situation? Oh no, it's me!"
It's hard to have the presence of mind to pray throughout the day with demanding little ones. Too often, I don't find the time to get alone to pray, and can't seem to spend my day being with God as I go along either. It's then I find myself not my best with my kids, with my husband, friends, with anyone, and even worse inside my head.

But that moment after a child falls asleep is a great time to pray. I brood over the child.
I don't know why, but on days when I can't muster patience, just after his eyes close, love rushes in again. I see him more clearly. I can look back on the day and see it more clearly.



I pray for sweet dreams, for health and safety, for this growing heart, for the trials of the day. Then I can ask for wisdom, bring to my God all my questions, the patterns I can't get out of, my worries and fears and tightly held hopes. Let go of stuff. Grab onto better stuff. Listen. Thank God for this child.

Very very very fine house, Before

People keep telling us we should take lots of pictures as we work on the house. Honestly, we don't have many; we're busy working. These are from when we first got the house. They don't really convey how it felt to be in the house because you can't smell them, if you know what I mean. There was some grime. It's funny how someone else's dirt feels different from your own. If we moved out without cleaning, there would be some dirt. But we live with it, and it's cozy because it's our dirt. I know what it's from. It's the result of lives well-lived. Someone else's dirt feels icky just because it's not ours. We've known and appreciated several families who lived in this house before it came to us and we are thankful to them, for caring for it, for contributing to it's peace. Peace was the first thing I noticed about the house. You can't see it in the pictures, but it suprised me how peaceful it felt.
Also, the house had been unoccupied for a time, with some plumbing issues that led to damp and mildew, and some vermin issues; these may have contributed to the mustiness.Just a few things I like about this house: space, possibilities, freedom, a sense of peace, good light, oldness, the chance to make it our own, our neighbors.
Ahhh--what a gift!
I realize how great having a house to call our own is, in light of how many people have no home at all tonight or tomorrow or maybe ever, in this life. I hope ours can somehow become a haven for the harried, a refuge for the weary.
Thanks abounding to all the beautiful people who have helped already in its transformation.

take two

Because I had about four minutes to write that last post, I never got around to addressing it's title. This spring Paul mentioned that he read G.K. Chesterton writing about how we treat Easter as the climax of Lent, when really Lent is just supposed to be the prelude to the real show, Easter, which is a celebration of our great joy and hope. Therefore, he says we should be drinking champagne for breakfast. The thought inspired a much longer and freer and funner celebration of Easter at our house this year.
I love this picture of my mom, "Oma" to the kids, leading Gibbie, cousin Fiona, and Ezra in a little song and skit they put together for our family.


And then we have two little bears finding easter eggs their big cousins hid around the yard for them. Costumes are some of the best playthings; they get so much wear and delight out of them. What, you don't dress like bears for Easter?

Living peacefully with your Four-Year-Old

I find in parenting I need to keep using what I learned during birth. In labor, when a new phase came, it took a while to figure out how to deal with it. I would be laboring, coping with contractions, and then it felt like they suddenly changed. They became unbearable, and nothing I was doing helped at all.

Now, in parenting, I find that when we develop patterns of whining and misbehaviour, (or parental frustration and anger) when our usual strategies stop working and we just can't seem to catch our rhythm or get along, it often means we're growing! It takes observing ourselves and one another, praying for wisdom and cooperating to figure out how to live together as we grow.
Recently, we were having fits of aggravating the younger brother, misuse of tools, snitching things and denying it, total lack of cooperation in basic things like getting dressed; you know what I'm talking about?

My normal avenues of eliciting cooperation, as well as discipline tactics just weren't working the way they had. Things felt off.
I told Paul and a few friends that something was up and I couldn't figure it out. I wasn't sure if he needed better-set boundaries, or more attention, or it was just a phase, or what? (it's so helpful to know that sometimes things are just hard and there's not way around it.) When we're having troubles I am reminded to pray, to ask for help. I like to make sure the kids know how much we love them in times of conflict; we need extra assurance of love when we're rubbing wrong against one another.

The breakthrough came when Paul commented to me that he noticed misbehavior seemed to happen when our Little Bear had an idea for something he wanted to do. He would do his plan, but not in a sanctioned way; like by taking something he had been told not to, and doing something he wasn't supposed to do with it. Frequently with scissors. I have learned from Montessori that when children disobey, they need more freedom. This does not mean that we don't expect good behavior, but that often lack of freedom drives misbehavior, so Paul's comment really rang a bell. I spent a day observing myself and Little Bear as I pondered this.

Then I talked about it with Little Bear. He agreed that he was bored and had a lot of ideas, and also that things hadn't been going very well lately and that we'd been having a hard time listening and getting along. I shared with him that I do expect him to listen to me, but also that I want to listen to him. And I told him he was ready for his Own Scissors. We worked together to find a place for the scissors where he could get them, but his little brother couldn't. We discussed some very concrete rules for use of the scissors. We discussed consequences for not following those rules. Then I helped him make a special box to keep them in, and signs saying that they were just for him. Ooh, was this fun! He spent all day doing projects with the scissors, and put them away after each use. He had a lot of things he had been waiting to do with them!

Our other problems dissolved. The scissors were the key that unlocked the door to our new phase. Our Little Bear has a lot of good ideas and needs the freedom to do them on his own. He was bored!
Along with the scissors, I found there were lots of areas where I was underestimating him, doing for him what he could do for himself, expecting too little, not too much, and controlling rather than equipping him to handle new levels of responsibility. For, with freedom comes responsibility. Along with the scissors came some new chores and a renewal of our expectations of one another. I hadn't meant to be controlling him, he'd just grown into some things he couldn't have handled and didn't need to a few months ago. Along with greater understanding came new tactics and peace.

I must note that not all of the scissor rules were followed. A few days after the debut of his Very Own Scissors, I found a little brother with a new albeit minor haircut and a new spool of ribbon cut to pieces. There were consequences, kind of big ones, and a lot of tears. Not getting to use his Very Own Scissors for Four Whole Days was rather agonizing, but he accepted it as just, though sad, and has lived up to the new responsibility even better since then. The brief reprisal of privileges didn't undo our new mutual esteem or the advance of four-year-old liberty in our house a bit.

Libby Jane's Rough Guide to Simple Living

This post is from a brief presentation I've been asked to give at our church on simple living. I volunteered to bring my solar oven and talk about it for a class on "creation care," and Jack Oughton, the teacher, asked me to prepare a little list of things our family does to live more gently on this earth. So, here goes:

Principles:
1. Enjoy the gifts of creation.
-We savor good, fresh food
-We relish being outdoors
-We enjoy using handmade and lasting things in our daily life rather than disposable and mass-produced stuff.
-We find enjoyment is often a good path "greening."
2. Biblical. Our desire to take care of the earth springs out of our driving commitment to follow God, and is completely concurrent with the teachings of the Christ, (as well as running throughout the Old and New Testaments.)
3. When I notice a wasteful area of our life, I often am able to find a better solution simply by pondering, "what would an Amish person do to meet this need?" I also read a ton of books, which is how I love to learn. All these practices have been put in place slowly in our lives, as we notice and change one thing at a time. Once we get used to doing something, it is no longer difficult. This list has not been a big undertaking, but rather a summary of the pleasurable path we've walked as we seek to follow God in our daily life. We make changes gradually, phasing out or up; instead of throwing away a perfectly useful plastic thing, use it as long as possible, but plan to replace with a more sustainably made and repairable alternative when it's useful life is over.

Food
-bake our own bread. Everyone I know seems to wish they could bake bread. It's really not that hard, and there's nothing like fresh bread!
-cook from scratch. saves a lot of money! There is a learning curve to cooking, but it's so worth it!
-drink tap water! totally healthy and green
-joined our local coop (everything at the coop is largely local and sustainably raised, so we don't have to worry about reading labels all the time)
-buy in bulk (cheaper, no waste of packaging, fresher grains than prepackaged)
-buying organic and local as much as possible (we started with animal products. being high on the food chain, meat and dairy carry heavier toxin loads. buying expensive meat helps us to use it carefully, and after the expense of that, buying organic veg was easier! with veg, we first started org. on the "dirty dozen", which are the fruits and veg that carry the most pesticide residues: berries, grapes, peaches,etc.)
-eating seasonally and locally. (not buying strawberries in January from New Zealand--this is costly in terms of the fuel used for refrigerated transportation around the world and leads to craziness in all kinds of ways) for seasonal fruits, we try to buy a lot when they're in season here in Minnesota and freeze, can, or dry them. Freezing is sooo easy; not as hard as one might think.
-I love wild foods and incorporate the unused produce of our city's boulevards and waste lands as much as possible into our diet.
-Fermentation Wild Fermentation by Sandor Elix Katz or The Country Kitchen by Jocasta Innes. We enjoy eating homemade: -pickles, bread, yogurt, simple cheeses, saurkraut, vinegar, cordials, all made and preserved via simple fermentation.

Transportation
-bike: in the winter, with kids, with cargo, plan trips
-bus: plan ahead, bring a book, work, water, snack to redeem the time
-a great time to pray
-a great way to meet neighbors. you can't love them if you don't know them
-an excuse to to walk a little more
-no worries about parking
-walk
-carpool
-carshare
-live by places we need to go: we are grateful we have been able to live close enough to bike to work, school, church, and most stores and places we go. This has in part been possible by turning down some possibilities which would preclude biking. Biking a lot is so enjoyable, great for our health as a family, and saves a ton of money. Even with two children, in the summer, we have sometimes only used our car a few times a month. This is easier in urban areas

Gardening
-for food
-let the garden take over the lawn
-plant perennials and fruit trees
-compost
-Wendell Berry says that growing food, and eating it is the single biggest positive thing a person can do for the earth, farmers, ourselves, and the economy.
-outdoor living

Don't Buy Stuff- if we buy used, we don't contribute to the demand for more mass production.
-lots of stuff we want we don't need, and many things actually don't contribute to happiness or the good of others
-as an artist, I make planners and notebooks out of discarded paper, rugs from rags, clothing, repair discarded furniture--lots of this stuff is simple and anyone could learn how.
-plan ahead for gifts -with planning we can make good choices about gifts, and find the "perfect gift". Often this is homemade, or even bought new. I find, if we haven't planned ahead, we may over-give and over-spend to compensate for a gift that feels like it's not "enough" because we think it's not just right for the recipient.

Community
-learn from others
-share resources
-know neighbors
-support one another

Laundry and Cleaning
-homemade cleaning products. Most household- things can be cleaned with household items: baking soda, soap, vinegar. If there's interest, I could share some recipes. All very simple and cheap. For us, these have entirely replaced brand-name glass cleaners, toilet scrub, etc.
-buy dish soap in bulk at the coop
-we don't use the clothes dryer. Weather permitting, we line dry our clothes outside. In the winter, we use a wooden drying rack indoors, which helps to humidify our dry air. "Delicates" and "unmentionables" are dried inside for privacy. Diapers get white again out in the sun, without bleach. We use non-chlorine bleach, when necessary.

Clothing
-we try to buy used or fair trade or locally made.
-we repair clothing to make it last longer.
-favorite clothing thrift stores in St. Paul: Unique Thrift on Rice Street, St. Vincent de Paul on W. 7th, Salvation Army on University. Thrift stores actually have a much wider selection of clothes than conventional ones because every item is unique. Most of the clothes at these stores, I find, are in great condition. also saves a ton of money.
-new, but more ethically made: Zimmerman's on Grand sells sweatshop-free clothes.
-we use clothing until it wears out, or give it to thrift stores or friends who can use it.
-we've been delighted to find that everyone at church passes clothes around all the time! We hardly had to buy baby, toddler, or maternity clothes.

Reducing Consumption
-we have gradually eliminated lots of disposable products from our lives, as follows:
-paper towels: rag bin (use for clothing worn beyond use or giving, wash separately from clothing, as for cloth diapers. this is a small amount of laundry. Our rags are not bought, t-shirts and towels make the best rags. Bathroom cleaning rags can be kept separate from kitchen rags by marking)
-paper napkins: cloth napkins. homemade or thrifted. cheap, beautiful, just toss in the laundry as needed.
-Kleenex: handkerchiefs. make sure to get soft ones! (all cotton or linen)
-feminine hygiene: The Keeper, Glad Rags, homemade. Cheaper and less toxic. My youth leader tipped me off to these in response to my query in high school! wash with bathroom rags or diapers.
-finding alternatives to battery operated items.
-deodorant, shampoo, lotions: Lush (at Macy's in the Mall of America, or online makes these products in solid form, without plastic packaging. They are more expensive, but last long enough to make up the cost and more.)
-bring our own tap water in water bottles when we go out, to avoid the cost and waste of buying drinks in disposable containers
-bring a travel mug for coffee drinks to go. some places may even give a little discount when you don't get the throw-away cup
-we bring silverware and cloth napkins with us when appropriate to avoid throwing away disposable cutlery. To-go Ware, glass jars, Tupperware is widely available at thrift stores and garage sales

Kids
-cloth diapers. not as hard as you think. saves a lot of money. If washed at home and line dried, no more waste than flushing a toilet. also, re-usable wipes, tossed in with dipes.
-forgo battery powered toys
-plan ahead to bring a picnic lunch or snacks
-use the bike trailer, weather permitting. our family mini-van
-lasting, versatile toys, rather than plastic
-home-made toys
-go to the library a lot, read aloud instead of tv.
-teach kids to play and live in the outdoors, thus to care for and love it.
-help with/ have their own gardens
-teach them to care for our things so they last

Culture
-use library, buying only books we know we will read again and again
-digital music or LPs, live music
-watch tv less (tv makes us want more stuff.)
-spend time outside instead of at the mall/ in stores, shopping online
-vacation locally
-support local businesses, coffee shops, restaurants, instead of big chains. (great way to make friends too!)
-invest in non-material treasures (maybe even eternal ones)

Thankfulness and giving

Even in a good life, even in a life beautiful and full, a lot of things are hard. Sometimes we have to remind ourselves that this life is indeed beautiful and full, because it doesn't always feel that way. We must keep our eyes on the author and wellspring of our peace. But here is something I am thankful for today.

Sitting in church, I try to do this delicate dance of keeping the children quiet while lifting my heart to god, being open to the words of the service while helping them to understand what they may of the songs and prayers, why we are there while keeping them from noisily kicking the pews or running around in too distracting a way. I do this mostly myself because Paul is up in the choir loft, doing his job and playing music, hopefully leading us all into heartfelt song. Sometimes Grandparents or Aunties are around to lend a hand but this morning, it was myself and Gibbie and Ezra.
To help me do all these things, I sometimes bring some special quiet toy or favorite object, certain colored pencils and snacks.
This morning, Ezra spent the first songs sitting next to our snacks, which I try to judiciously dispense so that they help carry us through the whole service. He sat next to the little bag, whispering, "me sit by apples and stuff."
He and Gibbie shared an apple, passing it back and forth taking bites during readings from the bible.
Later, during another quiet stretch, he sat again next to the snacks, with his hand on the wrapped chocolates. We got these chocolates, beautiful little chocolate bars wrapped with pictures of Australian animals, from some Australian evangelist friends of ours who visited a short while ago. Ezra just wanted to have his hand on the chocolates while he waited to get one. He said, "Hedgehog," and "Me love chocolate."
At the part of church where you can put an offering or prayer request in the plate I gave something to Gibbie to put in. I've talked to the boys about how all we have is from God, and about why we give to Him and the Church out of what He's given us, but I wasn't ready with it when the plate passed. He took our little offering and ran down the aisle to put it in the plate.
As he returned to our seat, Ezra stood up and before I could stop him, picked up the bag with our last two Australian chocolates in it, and, holding it in both hands, carefully walked all the way down the aisle to the back of the church. The people who pass the plate had passed it all through and were standing in the back with the plates, waiting for the end of a song. Ezra went up to one of them and stretched up to put his little bag on the plate. The usher smiled at him and Ezra came running back to me, beaming. "Me give to dat guy," he said, with a look of total happiness.
When the song was over, the ushers brought the plates to the front of the church, where an acolyte, or helper kid in a red robe, takes them and brings them to the priest, who says a quick prayer, offering them to God with thanks. Before he said, "All things come from you, O Lord," I saw him glance, surprised, at the colorful packages in the ziplock bag on the plate.

I was surprised that Gibbie wasn't upset that Ezra had given away our chocolates, and Ezra didn't seem to want them back.

For these children I am so thankful. May they always find the delight of giving their best treasures to our Best Friend.
All things come from you, O Lord. Of thine own have we given thee.
Pictures: none from this morning: the beautiful mushroom we found last fall at Glendalough State Park. two pictures of Ezra playing at a coffee shop; and the kids at home in our latest, but already defunct, homemade playhouse. Ezra called it his "Oma house," and it recently met its demise, being put to rest in the recycling bin this morning.

Post-Modern Collaborative Advent Wreath

I posted last year on our Advent devotions, a family tradition we're carrying on from Libby's childhood. Advent is the season in the church year that comes before Christmas. It's a time of remembering Israel waiting for the light of the Messiah (who we believe is Jesus) to come, and a time of preparing our hearts for this Christ to come again. We explain it to the kids that when Jesus comes back, God will fix all the brokenness in the world; wipe away all tears and make everything how it was made to be. We do a little prayer time, light candles, sing and play instruments, and read a story or two. It's all very simple.
I love doing Advent devotions because it takes away the bustle of December and focuses us, draws our attention to the bright light that shines in the darkness. Don't we need light when it's so dark outside! Dinner time is really deep night for us this time of year! And then there are deeper darknesses too, for which we need even more light.Our advent wreath turned out so fun this year. All the supplies for this were thrifted or gifted. The colors of the candles are not "proper" at all; I just used what we had. The Christmas candle has little kids playing instruments on one side and ducks on the other. Of course he decided that the ducks will face out. I don't think that the colors of the Advent wreath are ancient tradition. Everyone seems to have their own idea about what each one stands for, so I make free with this tradition. For our Christmas candle, I try to find anything lovely. One year it was a rainbow, another it was covered in green sparkly swirlyques, and this year it's this little volks-art scene.
There are one, two, three, and four stars on each of the candles to represent what respective week we are on. By the time we get to the four-star candle, we will be lighting all four candles, and just a week away from Christmas. Gibbie helped me design and make the candle decorations. (they are made with soft colored wax that we cut and press onto the candles) We have a blackbird for peace, a lamb for joy, bunnies for love, and a sunrise for hope, all very personal symbols for us. I think this is the essence of liturgy; using ritual to make real to us spiritual truths that we cannot see.

Jesus Would Ride the Bus

My friend Kevin's recent post about taking the bus provoked me to get out a little bus idea that's been marinating in me for a while. There are many environmental, social, and economical benefits to taking the bus, but I'm not going to talk about them now.

In a conversation with my friend Jeff a few weeks ago, it came up that both of us have had some important seemingly random conversations with folks we've met on the bus. Sometimes they were strangers, and sometimes they were people we already knew. I believe that using relationships and interactions between people is a big way that God works our lives and both Jeff and I have experienced it in a somewhat frequent way on the bus. Why is that?

I think it's a matter of opportunity. If we just go along in our own cars in our American way we never interact with others (at least not on a positive verbal level) unless there's an accident or a breakdown or something. (I know God frequently shows up for folks in that kind of situation, but it's not something anyone wants to have happen often.) On the bus there is plenty of room for us to bump into each other and thus plenty of opportunity for God to show up in those those interactions.

I think of it kind of like what happened when Jesus, after beginning his ministry, returned to his home town. People were skeptical that someone they had always known in their small town was anything more than they thought he was. "...he did not do many mighty works there, because of their unbelief." (Matt 13:58 ESV) Why? I don't think the people of Nazareth asked to be healed but didn't score high enough on the faith-o-meter. I don't think they asked. Most of the probably didn't even come to see him. There wasn't opportunity for Jesus to heal anybody because nobody showed up to be healed!

That's why I think Jesus would ride the bus. Plenty of people. Plenty of opportunity for God to do transforming stuff in their lives.

I bet you'll never see that point listed on a Metro Transit poster!

Mother Culture

One of my favorite educational philosophers, (okay, I know I'm a nerd.) Charlotte Mason, writes about the importance of what she terms, "Mother Culture". I wish I could reference where I read about this recently, but I've forgotten. She says that mothers must have a vibrant inner life, with an inner life, passions, interests and pleasures outside of the children. To me, it means cultivating my mind, spirit, and body, nourishing (and luxuriating in!) relationships outside of the filial ones, and making sure I have the time to engage in life-giving pursuits. I think we can all agree about this. The difficulty for so many parents, especially, it seems, with small children, in making it happen.

I beg, beg, borrow, and steal time away from the children. We oughtn't be ashamed to ask for help so that we can be healthy. Family, friends at church, co-workers, close neighbors, other parents, and people without children yet or ever, or with grown kids are prime suspects for childcare requests. For the kids' sake, we never leave them alone with anyone unless we know them very well, we have every reason to trust them, and the kids are entirely comfortable with them. When they were very small, we were always near, but would ask for help anyway, and just have time to ourselves in the other room.

So, when I do get some time away, I make the most of it! No running errands for me! I go to a favorite coffee or tea shop, pray, read, draw, I sing, I write, I walk in the woods, I swim, I seek out the beautiful. I find that after time away from my dear children, I come back to them with a renewed store of love, appreciation, patience, and energy. This is my time to fill up. If I'm having difficulties, I bring them to God, and ask for help. If I'm lonely I find a friend or unburden my heart to my unseen Father. I turn up the music loud or listen to stillness.

Still, I need all this stuff even on days full of children. That's when it's time to steal time away. I made a little pocked notebook just for this purpose. It's constructed almost just like Paul's bible cover, and is durable enough for hard daily wear in a back pocket. I almost always have it on me, and keep a small pen stached inside. It's good for taking notes, writing down books I want to check out, recipes, sketches, poems. If I don't get my ideas out immediately, I find they float into the ether. I use it to pray. In the midst of a family, when uninteruppted time is not an option, I find I sometimes can't concentrate enough to pray at all. Writing it out makes it happen. I also make lots of lists that I never look at again.

I made the cover out of more of my garage sale leather, and designed it to hold Moleskin notebooks. That didn't last too long, when it came to buy refills and I remembered how expensive they are. Now I make my own refills. Custom convenience, I enjoy the flexibility of making them just how I want them.
*By the way, did you notice what operating system Paul put on our laptop? He's very happy with it, and hopefully will post on it soon!*

***Also: still taking comers for the conference on sustainable communities I posted about a few days ago. I think it will be a lot of fun!***