Revising Your Poem

     Is your poem boring? Would a random person find it interesting to read? If not, it needs some help.  Don't let it lie boring and limp and helpless! Let's plump it up and breathe some fresh life into it. Help it along with a prayer that it would be to the glory of God.
     From the excellent book we've been working through, The Roar on the Other Side by Suzanne U. Clark:  "After you've produced a draft and worked it into a shape you're fairly pleased with, get your pen-knife out and start cutting. Delete careless repetitions and wordiness, as in the following first draft by student Emily Windes:

                 Potato
     A potato is rough, brown, and wrinkled,
     It's lined and wrinkled like an old man's face,
     The skin looks like dirt or an elephant's skin
     It sprouts, it looks like little trees are growing out of the dirty skin.
     The sprouts are green, with hairs and bumps.
     A sprouting potato looks like and animal with crazy legs.

Here's her final draft:

                 Potato
     The potato--rough, brown and wrinkled,
     Lined like an old man's face.
     The skin looks like dirt or an elephant's hide.
     It sprouts little trees with hairs and bumps.
     A sprouting potato is like an animal with crazy legs.


     Clark continues; "What changes did she make? What words did she eliminate or find synonyms for? Notice, too that the basic poem was there, in the first draft, like a face in a slab of marble. The sculptor must chisel away the stone that is not the face. The writer must cut out words that are not the poem."

     Please take one of your poems. Cut out the parts that don't earn their keep. Breathe life into dull descriptions with imagery or more interesting sounding words. If you have cliches, think harder about your subject, and find your own way of describing the particular aspect you're trying to convey. Type it up and send me the first draft, along with your revision, to share in class on Friday.